we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
