how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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