could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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