yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
