my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
