Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
