i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
