If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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