The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As shirtless as possible
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
