I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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