In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
