I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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