you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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