Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
