I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
