meet me or not, i'm out of control
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
