you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
