i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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