True but thats because hes a fetus.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
