You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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