i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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