8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
