I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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