you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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