i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
