hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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