dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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