My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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