I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
