Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
