There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
