I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize