You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
