On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we're making bets on your personal life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
