i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
how drunk are you?
Several
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
