Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
