you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He did a backflip because drugs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
