it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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