I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize