she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
