I murdered the dance floor call the cops
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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