Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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