my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
