Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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