I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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