We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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