I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
