I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
