I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
