i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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