you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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