I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
