So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
