apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
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