that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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