I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
