no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
