I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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