i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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