I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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