Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
