We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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