Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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