$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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