If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
