her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
