I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
