The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
