my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize