I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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