Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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