Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
