Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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