y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
