was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
