I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We got so high we made milksteak
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
