Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
