Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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