the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
