The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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