All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
